New Fast Food Market

Several years ago Burger King came out with Angus Hamburger. I suppose their marketeers did their research, and figured people thought Angus Beef meant quality and tasty and were willing to pay for it.

They must have been right because now on the McDonalds’ signs they are advertising Angus Burgers. It is never too late to jump on the band wagon.

Every time I see the word Angus on either Burger King’s or McDonald’s signs I think of Anus; Ass-holes.

That is the immature kid in me…every time I hear of the planet Uranus I want to burst into giggles.

Now, I would like to get in on the bandwagon too, sort of. I think I would like to form a fast food company dealing with anuses. I am depending on the market of the people that don’t know how to read very well. They will see the sign saying Anus and think it is another Angus joint.

One good thing is that the anus generally is not the most desirable cut of a cow, so the price may be within reasonable.

I gave some thought about how to prepare Anuses to they will be more acceptable to the consuming public. I think I got it. They are a beefy O-Ring, right? Deep fry them to resemble onion rings! The batter will cover up any hemorrhoids scars and the ass-hole.

We could offer Cajun Anuses, Crispy Anuses, Barbecue flavored Anuses, grilled Anuses, Cheese Anuses, Anus soup, Anuses on a stick; The ideas are endless.

I think this is going to make me rich!

Scientific Fishing

I think from a marketing point of view, we have been profiled, cataloged, grouped, characterized, labeled, and predicted. Analysts know our next move. If, while in a store, I have a sudden urge to urinate and make my way to the men’s rest room, as the other day, a man was probably near by, and put a check by “going to rr at 3:15” and said to himself, “Just as we predicted! Are we good or what?”

On the 16th of July Anna and I dropped by Home Depot to buy a Ryobi weed eater I had my eye on for a while now. We had a $10 coupon. At the checkout we discovered the coupon did not start until the following day so we left without purchasing the weed eater.

The next day we went and reclaimed the Ryobi weed eater. While there a young man approached us and asked us if we ever considered having our kitchen cabinets replaced. “Why, yes, as a matter of fact, we have.” I am sure he already knew that. He lined up for a representative to come to our house and show us the options we had.

We walked around a corner and a young lady appeared from no-where and asked if we ever considered a Home Depot credit card. Nope… don’t need another credit card we said. She said something to the effect that if we signed up for a credit card we would get $30 off that weedeater. We more or less said, “$30?” And they probably already knew our next question would be “And can we also use our $10 coupon?”

She lady said, “Of course!”

They reeled us in.

Napoleon Dynamite Marketed & Packaged

While we were in various card shops this weekend I noticed that Napoleon Dynamite cards. Napoleon Dynamite friendship cards, Napoleon Dynamite get-well cards, birthday cards, and other happy occasions.

On the different cards are shots of the Napoleon Dynamite movie with the different main characters in different combinations. They also had Napoleon Dynamite 2007 Calendars.

It is the type of product that Napoleon’s brother, uncle or girl friend would try to sell door to door.