I Solved The Mystery!

Every time Willow gets groomed the groomer gives her new dog scarf.  That is a nice gesture to keep you coming back.

Looking at the scarf's as I put the last one away reminded me the soap opera DAYS OF OUR LIVES. 

One of the running stories on DAYS is that the police are trying to solve a serial killer case.  Apparently the mystery serial killer is strangling to death women with cheap  neckties.

Hmmm.

Maybe they are not cheap neckties at all!  Maybe they are cheap dog scarf's!

The murderer might be my dog's groomer!

I solved the case!

Time Jumping

On THE TODAY SHOW this morning they announced that tonight, the last minute of June will have one additional second.  They went on to say that each day the real time is shorted by a fraction of a second and ever so often when enough fractions add up to be a whole, they tack an extra second on the end of the month to make everything, time-wise to work out.

It is like a time warp, or time traveling.

Then I wondered if actually rearranging seconds might after a terrible effect on the human race I got my Ouija Board out and called up a conference séance with Albert Einstein and Sir Isaac Newton.  I told them the problem of humans monkeying with real time and would there be any bad consequences.

They both chuckled and called me a few names that was in a foreign language and laughed again, harder.

I didn't wan to look stupid so I laughed too, and that caused them to laugh so hard they started coughing.

They gave me this advice:  At the final bonus second at the end of June jump  up in the air.  Being in midair you will escape the time consequence.    When you land you will  land in the first second of July, so you will not be effective.

Breakfast

"Oh no!  Not regurgitated worms on toast again!?" 

HAPPY RED NOSE DAY!!

So Long David Letterman!

So long David!   I don't know if anyone can fill your shoes.  I watched you once and I think you are very good, at what you do... or did.

Now  plenty of people are interviewing you and you are invited on a lot of talk shows.  Someplace in one of these interviews I heard you say you have a hard time remembering who you had on your show.  Of course, some people would stand out, but a lot of people didn't.  You were very cordial to them, but when they walked off the stage, out of sight, out of mind.  You  said sometimes you couldn't even remember who was on that night when your wife asked.

Which brings to mind, I am just curious, do  you remember the night I was a guest on your show?  I am one of the most forgettable people in the world and besides that I am invisible, so I would not be surprised if you did not remember me.

However, I was there, and I haven't got paid yet.  Please forward this to payroll, or whomever pays the guests

.

And, if you don't mind, instead of embarrassing yourself not remembering I was on the show one time, write a note and attach to this saying, you remember me.

Yours Truly,

Eddie Hunter

HAPPY EASTER!!!

Dust bunnies Easter Parade (stolen from Anna Hunter's and Beth Sorrell's Facebook pages).

Today is GOOD FRIDAY

Not being Catholic, I’m not sure it is a day of celebration or not.

belated HAPPY NATIONAL CLEAVAGE DAY!!

A day late! Sorry it slipped by me.

Look! More Patriotic Outfits!

Wonder Woman
Evel Knievel

Fore Skin and Seven Years Ago…

(click on either image and it will get bigger - you know what I mean?)


I want to warn you about dicktaters. They have no conscious and have only one objective. He might show off and spew off a lot, and even stand proudly erect – but remember he is also pushy tries to be very stiff. They know all about penetration points, so don't turn your back on them.

To give you an example just how tough dictaters are, look closely at the second dictator. Someone either attempted to cut his throat or circumcised him and he survived!

Trickle Down or Pissing On Theory?

Dilbert by Scott Adams

Teacher Retirement System gives bonusesBy James Salzer

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution

While teachers went without cost-of-living raises last year and had to take unpaid days off, some top state staffers managing their retirement accounts got pay boosts of more than 35 percent.

The two investment chiefs at the retirement system took home $609,000 each, almost double what they were paid before the recession hit in 2007. – ajc.com Jan 30, 2010

I heard it before. The rich get richer and the poor get poor during a recession. Is this part of the trickle-down theory to save the economy?

W T F Sarah?

Things like "W T F" is causing some old time reserved Republicans wanting to cut ties with you, but don't worry, you still have Fox News.

By the way, isn't saying something like "W T F" like spelling F-U-C-K?

The Right to Bear BB Guns

A 9-year-old Atlanta boy has been suspended for bringing a gun to school in his backpack.
Third-grade students at Sarah Smith Intermediate School told their teacher about the weapon, Keith Bromery, spokesman for Atlanta Public Schools, told the AJC. The teacher then confronted the boy and searched his backpack, where the gun was located.
The weapon, believed to be a BB gun or air pistol, was not loaded, Bromery said.
- Atlanta Journal-Constitutions, (ajc.com), Jan, 25, 2011

What is the minimum age requirement to qualify for the freedoms mentioned in the 2nd Amendment or any other Amendment of our Constitution?

If certifiable nuts are allowed to exercised their 2nd amendment rights surely a 9 old boy should be allowed the same privilege.

Rock on The Rock

My son Adam’s job took him to San Francisco about a month ago. While there he toured the old closed down Alcratraz Penitentiary, on its own island in the San Francisco Bay. Adam brought me back a booklet, which was reprinted from the book of rules for the inmates, which I suppose they were issued when they were checked in. Here are some of the copied pages.

It is interesting how everything is designed to be so orderly and regimented. Apparently their system worked. When you consider the inmates were the kind of men “that would not conform to man’s laws*.”

I think if I had to spend time on the “Rock” I would have a very hard time conforming to their neatness rules that everything has its place in your cell and it must be where they say it belongs. My argument that I like things I use a lot to be within reach would probably not impress them. I would probably spend time in solitary confinement after the guard gave me a 3rd warning to get rid of the clutter of little notes and stickums all over my cell.

One thing I am envious of, in a way, is the strict directions of your time by the minute. But, I would have to insist on some leeway….. back to solitary.

And of course, the first time a big bald headed bruiser with tattoos blew me a kiss I would break all the rules all the time just to be find in the nice private peaceful solitude of solitary.

*I got that quote from a judge and jury commenting on the status of one of ancestors, Hubert Patey. (True!).

Noah and the Dove

This morning while on the computer I heard a car drive smoothly down the street and heard a “THOK!”

This is a noise I took for granted until recently. In fact, weeks ago, I wouldn’t have noticed it. It was the Marietta Daily Journal being delivered. The smooth sound of the car and the fact that there wasn’t a crunching noise as the tires made contact with the snow and ice meant the snow on the street was clear. The fact they were delivering newspapers that time of the morning, before daylight meant most, if not all, of the roads were clear in the area.

Now I know how Noah must have felt when he saw the Dove approach The Ark carrying an olive branch.

But maybe Noah was not ready to leave his little comfortable quarters on the Ark. Maybe Noah had a routine established in his safe warm dry wood habitat. Maybe he got to watch TV, snooze, read a book, watch DVD movies, study the family’s new camera, study a new picture program he downloaded to the computer on the Ark, slurp tasty warm soup, and look out the windows, I mean portholes.

&^%#@* that %^&*&%$#@ Dove!

Secret Memo

WikiLeaks Report

The below is a private memo from Edwin T. Hunter, the CEO of Hunter Industries:

There is an infectious germ that is spreading rapidly. The common household name for it is C-Diff. It makes a person very sick in his or her stomach and intestines. It has caused deaths. The most infested places of C-Diff are hospitals.

It is believed that C-diff causes as many as 15,000 deaths a year.
Many people have tried to treat C-diff with expensive anti-biotics but they don’t do the trick.

Dr. Lawrence Brandt, a pioneer in biological research in combating C-Diff discovered that just old fashion human fecal placed in the infected area just about destroys the C-diff infection. It has something to do with C-diff is bad bacterial doing the body harm and the human feces is chocked full of good bacterial that fights the bad bacterial.

Frankly, I think a lot of people would turn down the dose of the special medicine, aka human feces, if they knew it was actual human fecal. They would turn their noses up, literally.

The word “feces” instead of “shit” helps some, but not enough.

Here is where Hunter Enterprises* come into play.

We first find something to disguise the smell. Maybe the final ingredient will be blended strawberries to cover up the real natural smell or maybe mint leaves Follow me?

Maybe we could have the Mint Julep C-Diff medicine, or the Strawberry Fields Forever C-Diff Medicine. What about “Mellow Yellow Banana Flavor C-Diff Medicine?

But first we need an endless supply of you-know-what. We will pay donors good prices for what they can let us use… or “let loose with” we jokingly say. It might be an incentive to pay by the net weight of the raw product.

Or maybe, if they do a good job we would give a bonus; say free meal coupons at all-you-can-eat buffets.

I know from friends and kin that when you mass produce something and put it into a container with a label on it you have to rent a professional kitchen that is guaranteed clean. We need to find a professional kitchen that is very close to a restroom with a good dozen stalls.

Of course we will have special plumbing to harvest the you-know-what.

Also, to meet state and Federal requirements a list of ingredients has to listed on the label as contents. This isn’t as hard as it appears. Remember fecal was not always fecal. It is a final product, processed through the human body. Originally it was wine, beer, potato chips, hotdogs, hamburgers, fried fish, fried chicken, spice, flour, and sugar. All we have to do is get a chemical listing of all those products and list those on the label.

Of course the last step in determining how much to charge for the medicine. Market study shows people have paid up to $2,500 in antibiotics to get rid of C-Diff for medicine that didn’t work. What about $3000 per bottle?

Man! I feel filthy rich already!
*Our motto: “There are endless ways to get rich overnight from the suckers born every minute”

Did You Go Boxing Today?

It is a tradition in England to show your appreciation for people who serve you today. They call it Boxing Day. When I say people who serve you, I mean people like the person that delivers your newspaper, pick up your garbage, deliver your mail, well, you get the idea.

However, I think Boxing Day after Christmas has a different meaning in America. On our Box Day we carry gifts (in the original box) back for exchanges or the cash

This Date In History, 1888

On this date in history, December the 23rd, 1888, Vincent van Gogh cut off his left ear.

When asked why did he choose his left ear, his reply was:

"Huh"

Homemade Christmas Card

What is more heartwarmilng than something homemade? Here is a homemade Christmas card I made many years ago.

Click once or twice to see the details.

Enjoy!

Reality Pacman

We went to Costco and everyplace you looked they were handing out free samples of hot steaming food. It is time to buy food for Thanksgiving and the free sample corps were offering morsels of delicious food so you would be tempted to buy more. As I walked down the aisle trying out samples I felt like Pacman.

“Take some home today” the sample-workers would say enticing.
CHOMP!

“Only one percent fat”.
CHOMP!

“With this coupon you can save money on these goodies! – try one!”
CHOMP!

“Try this spread – it is made of real lobster!”
CHOMP!

“This is marinated chicken,”
CHOMP!

“Real beef!”
CHOMP!

“Take some home!”
CHOMP!

Down at the other end of the long freezer was a lady handing out little baked breaded triangles with spinach in between. It looked good. She had a tray full of samples. As I got closer a lady pushing a shopping cart with kids following. Suddenly all the hands from the shopping cart were reaching for samples. One of left! Hah! I almost reached the sample lady when suddenly a hand snaked in from her other side and grabbed the last sample.

DAMN IT!!

She said she would have another batch ready in about five minutes. I wheeled up to the pharmacy area, looped around and browsed at merchandised, making sure to be back in five minutes. My timing was just right - she pulled another tray of steaming hot samples out of her Dutch oven.

CHOMP!