Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Primary Election


The detective drove into the parking lot. He parked near the door reserved for officials. The sign by the door said, “VOTE HERE.” He went inside the building. It was the day of the Primary Elections. The deputy on duty nodded his head to the detective and also used his head to motion towards a little man sitting over to the side by himself. He looked nervous.

The detective approached the man, showed him his badge and introduced himself. Normally, to win someone over, he would appear to be “looking out for them”; he would hold out his hand and shake it. This time he did not offer his hand. He did not want to be seen shaking hands with this man. He thought people might talk.

To his knowledge, he has never seen a real Democrat before. In his thirty plus years of life he had heard only bad things about Democrats. During his formative years it was just understood that Democrats were mean and vicious people. He was always told you just can’t trust a Democrat.

The detective said, “I am a county detective. Your name?”

“The nervous little man told him.

“I need to look at your ID. I’ll like to ask you a few questions.”

The little man’s face was red. “Ww-h-h-yy?” He took out his wallet and took out his drivers license and handed it to the detective. The detective compared the picture on the license and wrote down the name and address.

“Are you nervous?” The detective gestured the little man to walk through the door. The detective knew it was an empty room with two chairs and a table – just for incidents like this.

“Well, yes – the poll officers told me to have a seat after I handed in my ballot. I haven’t done anything wrong.”

“Your ballot? Who did you vote for?”

“That is personal and private.”

“So, you are one of those kind? Was it a Republican Primary ballot or a Democrat Primary ballot? (the detective already knew the answer) – that is not breaking some kind of communist civil liberties law is it?”
“It was a Democrat Primary ballot.”

“Exactly! We find Democrats hard to tolerate in these parts!”

“Is it against to law to vote Democrat around here?”

“Not yet! – but I would like to ask you a few questions …” The detective put his laptop computer on the table, opened it up, and turned it on. With a few clicks it opened up to the screen he was seeking. He looked at the top of the list and asked him where was he February the 18th, 1962.

“I wasn’t born yet” .

“Hmmfff! When were you born Mr. smart aleck?”

He told him. Joe started at that date and starting asking questions about where he was on certain dates. Each time the little man answered he was an adolescent living with his parents in another state; or college in New England; military training;, in a war, and one time he was even in a coma from that war.

It occurred to the little man that the detective was trying to solve some of the unsolved crimes on the books and of course it was the general understanding that all Democrats were always up to no good which meant he was a likely suspect, until the detective found out he had an alibi for almost every one.

There was a crime a few months ago: Someone was throwing rocks on top of cars driving under a bridge. No one was ever arrested.

The detective said, “You cannot prove to me that you were not the one that were throwing those rocks off the bridge! You did it! I know you did! Get your ass up, we are going to the station!”
The man said, “Wait! I have a confession to make!”

The detective said, “Lets have it!”

“The only reason I voted on the Democrat ballot was to vote for the weakest candidates, which will be easiet to beat in November.”

Tuesday broke into a big smile, pulled him over and shook his hand then hugged him. “Son, why didn’t you tell me that! That an’t against the law! That is just smart, like playing chess.” Go on home now!

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