Monday, May 22, 2017

Alaskan Bucket List





My Alaskan Bucket List

We are planning a trip to Alaska soon.  It will be partly land travel  and partly a  cruise.  I am working on a Bucket List:

1.  King of the World.  At the bow at the very tip of the ship, in rough waters,  do something original, like spread my arms out like an eagle and proclaim I AM KING OF THE WORLD!"




above: Humpback Whale Breaching


2.  The cruise ship almost guarantees you will see a whale come out of the waters and breach.  I think I am going to jump on it as it breaches and hollow "Yahoo!" (holding on with one hand and waving my hat with the other.

3.  The ship will also bring us up to a close view of a glacier, maybe two.  I will rush around and remind the tourists of how the Titanic hit an iceberg and  sunk, but tell them not to worry, because if anything goes wrong I am there to fix it.

4.  Beat a lumber jack at arm wrestling.

5.  Beat a lumber jack log-rolling.

6. Beat another lumber jack chopping trees down.

7.  Go into saloon known for its high-stakes poker game and take on each player and take all their money, and the whole time giggling explaining this is the first day I have played poker.


8.  Walk into the wildest saloon  in the Yukon and beat up every man there and wink at the swooning Can-Can dancers.


9.  While in the Yukon, take the afternoon off and mine for gold and find the biggest gold vein in history.

10. Practice singing until my voice sounds just like Johnny Horton, then treat my fellow travelers to the song "North to Alaska".



11.  Carve a totem pole, making the top or bottom figure a very good likeness of me.

12. Swim upstream with the salmon.

13. Snatch a salmon out of a polar bear's mouth and eat it in front of him and dare him to say anything.

14.  Slap a grizzly bear silly.

15.  Climb up Denali Mountain/Mount Mckinley, to the tallest point in North America, beat my chest, and again proclaim "I am King of the World!"

16.  Ski down the mountain, skiing backwards, doing flips, and a variety of other ski tricks I will learn while I'm doing them.






17.  Run the Iditerod Dog Race trail, and beat all the winners' records, of course.





19.  Take a picture of a moose.

20.  Pretend to panic when the Northern Lights/Aurora Borealis appear and run around and say this is proof the Bible prophesies coming true, the end of the world is here!   And sell them mood rings that will protect them.  Then the next day tell them I was only joking.




21. To top things off visit Sarah Palin, smooth-talk her and go to the kitchen and look out the window and see Russia and make a face.

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