Tuesday, August 07, 2007

The Dog Screamer

New TV Series.

Opening. A little runt of a dog tearing rare book into shreds growling each time anybody gets near to get him to stop it.

Thumper: My name is Thumper. As you can see we have no control over Spike. Spike does exactly as he want to. If Spike wants to rip up a valuable book like he is doing now, we can not stop him… and if anybody shows me affection he will not allow it. He will growl, bark, and snap at the person. He will not let my roommate Bambi near me.

Another film strip shows Bumper and Bambi horsing around and Spike jumping between them barking, growling, and snapping at Bambi.

The doorbell rings and Thumper opens the door and greets the Dog Screamer. They sat on a couch and Thumper tells the whole story to the Dog Screamer, while petting Spike, who seems relaxed.

The Dog Screamer: Ahhhh, I think the problem is that Spike wants to be the leader of the pack. He thinks he is the dominant one – he is the dominant one. We must let him know he is only a dog and dogs are inferior to us humans.

The Dog Screamer (using common sense and logic): If Spike chases a car, thinking he is dominant he might get ran over. You see, he needs to be afraid and respectful of cars so he will not go near them… and you he needs to be respectful to you too.

Thumper: (slowly nodding her head appreciating the logic).

Bambi (sitting in chair, looked amused, in a sarcastic way).

The Dog Screamer: You say if someone touches you or shows affection Spike gets all mad and growls and snaps?

Thumper: Every time, it is embarrassing!

The Dog Screamer: Well, lets see! (he reaches over and pats Thumper’s forearm.

Spike (going wild showing teeth) Ggrrrrrrrrrrr SNAP! (biting the Dog Screamer on the hand).

The Dog Screamer (laughing and rubbing the back of his bit hand): It is nothing, it is not the first and won’t be the last. Suddenly The Dog Screamer reaches into his work bag and pulls out a rod with a loop on the end. He yanks it around the dogs neck and pulls on it and dog is gagging for breath: I need a little quality time along with Mr. Spike. BAD DOG! BAD DOG! BAD DOG! (they go to the bathroom and shut the door).

Sounds of coming from the bathroom door: Bumping, knocking, BAD DOG!s a few growls which changes into yips and whimpers, and the commode flushes.

The door opens and the Dog Screamer and the dog step out. The Dog screamer is proudly smiling and the dog is hanging his head low.

The Dog Screamer: Spike has been humbled. He no longer thinks he is the dominant one.

Thumper (picking up Spike). He smell like urine!

The Dog Screamer: Urine plays and important role in dominance with dogs.

Thumper (holding Spike up, looking over his face): His mouth is bleeding! He is missing some teeth!

Bambi has a gleeful look in her face, but covers it by scratching her nose.

The Dog Screamer: Another job well done by The Dog Screamer. Check please?

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Blogger kenju said...

Is Willow in there somewhere?

6:02 AM  
Blogger ET said...

No - but about 3 people and one dog in a certain TV program on the National Geographic channel were an inspiration.

6:21 AM  

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