Please Buy Here

We went to a home show this past weekend.

I think I saw a big assortment of washed up professional salesmen, salesmen wannabes, con-men, shysters, good lookers that knew the asset of their personal smiles, and a few sincere people trying to do an honest business.

There were about 15 long aisles with each lined on both sides with booths of all kinds each demonstrating their product and personality.

We each got a free shopping bag that advertised a company but we didn’t get the blue one shopping bag that most people were carrying. We wanted to be like everyone else – but as usual it wasn’t meant to be. We did locate the booth that was handing out the blue shopping bags only for them to tell us they just ran out.

Also, near the end I noticed a lot of people carrying pretty white yard sticks. Some of the people with the yard sticks used them to point out things to their companion, or tap things as they walked by. They looked so cool the way they handled their yard sticks. I wanted one! But I couldn’t find the booth handing them out. I think there is a higher power overlooking us, and pick a few of us to walk to the different drummer.

I felt like we were the only people there who did not have a blue shopping bag or a white yard stick. Maybe there were some people there admiring how unique we were.

I overheard one salesman in a potential customer’s face saying, “If you bought these shears in a hardware store you would pay $150 or more! Today, right now, and this time only I am going to let you have these at….” I walked out of hearing distance, but the look on the potential customer’s face made me think he was about to pay up. I wanted to run up to him and tell him to hold onto his wallet and make a run for it.

I overheard another salesman or representative tell his potential customer he has one just like it at his weekend cabin on a lake…. He named the lake, I think the customer was suppose to be impressed. Did he really have a place on a lake, yet chose to be at the home show?

I overheard one salesman say, "When I was the CEO of....."

Through the years many salesmen have told me of things they have that many people are still trying to acquire and the high achievements they did in college. I wonder if reality is just a state of mind.

I noticed neither Home Depot nor Lowe’s had a booth. It seemed that would right up their alley, home remodeling and all. Hmmmm. I think their absence is a message.

We ran into an old friend we haven’t seen since about the mid 1980s. It was good to see her and her husband.

At the end of one aisle was a popcorn looking machine that was keeping opened packages of candied almonds and candied pecans warm. We bought a Coke and noticed a sign that said free samples. We both asked for a sample. She took her prongs and reached into the pecan bag on top, pulled on out and dropped it in a little paper cup. She did it again. We each got one. If someone else walked by wanting a sample I’m sure she would have pulled the samples from the top of the pack. That one pack is getting less and less in it. Then if someone happened to want to buy a back of warm nuts, they would, I’m sure get the top one…. Which should have less nuts than the ones under it would have.

We finished looking at all that was available that we were interested in and on our way out a tall bald, gray-haired man in a an expensive suit bent over and said, “Did you see shysters? Does this place have any shysters?”

What a thing to ask! And the fact that he looked like a shyster was a double whamo!